Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Decline

It's been a long long time since I posted to this or any other blog. In the intervening year and several months:
  •  I continued to have problems with my car. Bad trouble. Stranded at night troubles. Dead in the water on Riverside Avenue at rush hour troubles.
  • My mother was in hospice.
  • One of my cats was diagnosed with diabetes.
  • I was transferred to a direct public service department at work.
  • I got a new car.
  •  My days were full of work, going  to see my mother and advocate for her, going home and care taking the cats, and zonking out on the couch. Repeat every single day.
  • My mother got worse.
  • I went down for the count with bronchitis.
  • My cat came down with pancreatitis and went into the animal hospital.
  • My mother died and dealing with what was left of the estate began.
  •  It looked like my cat was going to die too. Instead, she to be fed via feeding tubes.
  • The annual Summer of Uncertainties at work began anew. Layoffs were threatened. Anxiety rose, and rose, and rose throughout the summer. I felt the darkness of depression swirling nearer and nearer.
  • Hurricanes and storms passed by and passed through. My roof started leaking both upstairs and downstairs. I needed a new roof.
  • The Director announced the layoffs, demotions, staffing and hour cuts, and transferring of staff were now a certainty. I hadn't been in my new department a year. The Director said it would be even worse in the next fiscal year. Base pay would be cut again in the coming fiscal year. Proposed new schedules came out.
  • My new car was hit by a woman who made a premature lane change and who is probably still telling people it's everyone else's fault, not hers. I was back in rental cars again for a while.
A still small voice inside me said: " Enough. You have worked in your job over 33 years, You can retire. If you stay on, you will only be more miserable, angrier, and sicker. The new schedule means you won't get to do all those things you wanted to do for the past 8 years." I hesitated. "DO IT!" screamed the not-so-still, not-so-small voice.

No comments: